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A recent question in the Mailbox was about "cultproofing" yourself or figuring out whether a particular group or church is healthy or unhealthy, manipulative or respectful. That is a very hard question. Many things can be found in a particular group that are also found in a cult. One religious group that is "healthy" may have things in common with another that is "unhealthy." Religious views that one person considers bizarre or extreme may not be viewed that way by someone in a group that believes that way. Just because someone or some group calls another a cult doesn’t make it so. There is no effective checklist that can be used. Things aren’t usually that clear-cut. Some things may very unhealthy for you but not have that same effect for someone else. I’d like to offer some ideas to consider.
I sometimes use what I call my "yellow flag" system in dealing with things that are unfamiliar. Different colors may mean different things for different people, and so it’s fine to change the color for yourself if you want. I use "yellow" because that is the color for "caution" on traffic lights. You can use whatever color would mean "caution" or "be careful" for you.
When I am dealing with situations where I don’t want to overreact, and where things may not be too clear, I pretend that there are little flags inside my head. I use this system when I’m working with something new, or when things may quickly get too complicated to keep track of. I make a list of things and assign them to yellow flags. When I hit one of the things on the list, one little yellow flag goes up. When I hit the number of yellow flags that I’ve set up as my "reaction point," I then act.
This system helps me keep track of what is going on, helps me avoid making a decision too early, and yet helps me not wait around too long before acting. I make my list as best I can, figure out how many flags have to go off before I react, and then go on autopilot.
How about an example? I have a general list of what factors indicate that someone is having serious trouble with a situation of a dying family member. Let’s say I have a request to see someone who nursing feels is not coping too well. That person may just not be coping the way nursing thinks they should. It may or may not be appropriate to go into "grief counseling mode." So, I might decide that if three yellow flags go off, I will go into grief counseling mode, and if five yellow flags, its Psych consult time.
OK, I see the family member. In talking about what is going on, there is one emotion present that isn’t going up or down—it stays the same the whole time. One flag. The person doesn’t seem to have any real support system outside the person who’s sick. Two flags. They mention a past history of Psych treatment. Three flags. It’s clear that they haven’t been doing much sleeping or eating. Four flags. They mention that they haven’t really gotten over the death of another family member 10 years before. Five flags. Time to introduce the idea of a Psych referral.
This is just an example, but as flags go off, I get more cautious about what is going on, and more concerned about whether things are "healthy." Some things would instantly kick off many flags at the same time, such as the person mentioning that the sickness is all the doctor’s fault, that they have a gun, and are very angry. Things would get really cautious if they mentioned they had done time in jail for murdering a Chaplain!
Using the flag system, how could someone go about evaluating whether involvement with a particular church or religious group is a good idea? What kind of things would indicate "healthy" or "unhealthy?"
Does the minister have an attitude of "accept this because I say it?" Do the members seem like they’re going 70 miles an hour, but the transmission is in neutral? Is there a fear of information or ideas that doesn’t come from an "approved" source? Is the church largely isolated, independent, "one of a kind" or is there contact with other churches that provides some balancing and proportion? If you mention this church to someone else of the same denomination, do they look embarrassed? If you mention this church to a policeman, does he back up and put his hand on his holster? At services, do you need ear mufflers? Is there a balance between emotion and thinking? Do you find yourself opening your heart and mind or shutting down? Are questions, curiosity, creativity honored or discouraged? (If everyone looks like those little dogs that people put on the back window of cars, look out! If people seem to be pondering and processing what is being said, that is a good sign.)
Measure five minutes of external time. How many orders were given? How many "shoulds" or "musts" were stated? What would happen if you disagreed? Would more and more emotional pressure be used until you cracked? Would you be ridiculed? Would people act as if beliefs don’t matter, and just ignore it? Would they say they believe whatever you do?
Do people in general seem fairly relaxed, as if they are in a place they belong and are safe? Are there subgroupings that leave others "out in the cold?" Does the minister remind you of politicians you’ve seen on TV just before they were indicted? Is what is said logical or kind of "weird?" Would you recommend the church to your best friend (and not just because you want moral support!)? Does the minister act like he’s got a shortwave radio with God on the other end? Would you feel under pressure if you emotionally "stood back" and just observed what is going on? If you gave more money than you could afford, would the minister give it back?
Would there be a gasp if someone walked in wearing a sign saying "I am (some race)?" or "I am (some religion)?" Do the clergy seem comfortable with not being perfect? Is there a sense of humor, not ridicule, but true humor? Could you see him doing something silly? kind? stupid? naive? wise? playful? If he was a member of your family would you be embarrassed?
The day after a service, do you ever find yourself thinking about what was said, growing in understanding? Is your view of life, the world, relationships becoming broader or becoming more narrow? Is there a sense of deep respect and love of God or a kind of frantic anxiety? Do you feel challenged and invited to grow, or condemned if you don’t? Have some parishioners ended up being "servants" of the church, expected to do more and more (that is usually unhealthy manipulation.) If the person truly is doing it because of the meaning it has for them, most of the time they won’t look like they’re miserable. Does the church pay reasonable salaries? Not to the clergy, look at what is paid to the maintenance man? Is there a general atmosphere of courtesy and respect? Do people automatically say "Please" and "Thank you?" Are the police routinely in the parking lot after services? With shotguns?
All churches are a mixture of factors, but if there are too many yellow flags, it’s time to walk with extreme caution. It’s prudent to assume that MPD patients are more vulnerable to emotional and psychological manipulation, so extra care is appropriate. Some of the most effective cult groups have been those that feel "warm and friendly" at least at first, with extreme views and emotional coercion only slowly added in. If there is no evident disagreement in a church, either they’re extremely polite or something is wrong.
Whether a particular church is healthy for you, I would have to ask whether there is truly growth. Is there a sense of ministry that you’re a part of? Is there a joint quest for truth? Is there humility? Is there justice? Is there compassion? Is there honor?
These are some initial thoughts. Please let me know if it helps.
PS. As an additional help, you could try picking up a textbook on logic or critical reasoning. It can help sort out lies or half-truths pretending to be truth.
Cults, specifically, do have a number of characteristics in common. I think that the number of yellow flags, and the intensity of the dynamics, would provide some good clues to what is a cult.
What follows is a list I put together in the past:
What characterizes a cult?
What additional factors might lead to greater vulnerability?
How can adults help others prevent cult involvement or discourage increasing involvement?
© Fr J Mahoney