Overview of Pastoral Care Issues in Helping Victims of Domestic Violence

Dr. Anna M. Santiago

Wayne State University
School of Social Work
219 Thompson Home
Detroit, MI 48202
Phone: (313)577-8806
Fax: (313)577-8770
E-Mail: ad4345@mail.wayne.edu

January 12, 1998

What are the primary goals of pastoral care and counseling of battered women?

1. Ensure the safety of the victim.
2. Stopping the abuser's violence.
3. Restoration of family relationships if possible or mourning the loss of the relationship. The goal is entirely dependent on accomplishing the first two goals.

Pastoral care and counseling is one of several helping mechanisms that can be used to help victims gain control of their lives as well as to facilitate personal safety and wholeness.

Why do men batter?

1. It is behavior used to establish the abuser's control and dominance in intimate relationships.
2. Battering behavior is not caused by character flaws, mental illness, stress, substance abuse, prior experiences of abuse, the inability to express anger, or the provocation by female partners.
3. Abusive men are deliberate in their violence deciding where, when, under what circumstances, in what way, and by whom they will act violently.
4. Abusive men prosper from the violence because they obtain the obedience and loyalty of their partners, they are guaranteed of winning all marital disputes, they can maintain the status quo in their relationships, and they decrease the likelihood of having their partners leave.

What are the effects of battering on victims?

1. Victims change their behavior in an effort to accommodate to their abusers.
2. Victims experience considerable physical and psychological trauma, including the loss of a sense of safety, the lack of respect for her privacy, feelings of isolation, loss of self-esteem and ability to trust others, increased isolation from others.
3. Diminishment of feelings of hope, goodness, joy, love, and intimacy. These are replaced by feelings of fear, shame, guilt, anger, and sense of "going crazy."

Why do battered women seek pastoral care?

1. Ministers are often the first people approached in times of crisis and trauma.
2. The church may be the only social outlet that has not been restricted by the partner.
3. The trauma may provoke spiritual crises that are not addressed by secular resources.
4. Ministers are often more accessible (proximity, scheduling, costs).

What are the skills that are required to do effective pastoral ministry to victims of domestic violence?

1. Ability to process information about the dehumanizing violence enacted by one person against another, believe the victim's story, be empathetic and maintain an attitude of concern.
2. Ability to provide practical assistance to victims by being aware of and referring to existing community resources.
3. Ability to provide appropriate theological reflections on how to respond to the violence. Victim needs to be reassured of her right to be safe and that God wants her to be safe.

How can ministers respond responsibly?

Pastoral counseling should be characterized by:

• complete confidentiality,
• caring attitude of minister,
• concern for personal safety of victim,
• empowerment of victim, and
• referral to appropriate community resources.

Pastoral counseling should not include:

• advising her to stay in an abusive relationship,
• taking over her decision making,
• assuming that the marriage should be kept together at all costs,
• displacing responsibility for the behavior away from the abuser,
• minimizing the abuse,
• judging the women's actions,
• expecting immediate responses to options, or
• failure to refer to all appropriate secular resources.

What are appropriate pastoral responses to men who batter?

1. Confronting and challenging the batterer about his behavior.
2. Avoiding opportunities to be manipulated by abusers.
3. Avoiding opportunities to assist abusers in manipulating their victims.
4. Refraining from divulging information about the victim.
5. Holding the abuser accountable for his violent behavior.
6. Nurture motivation to change the abusive behavior and make referral to batterer program.

What are some of the theological concerns of battered women?

1. Victim images of abandonment or punishment by a judging God focus on her perceived sinfulness.
2. Forgiveness of abuser needs to be based on his repentance and cessation of violence.
3. Model of suffering servant needs to be refocused to emphasize that suffering from abuse is not redemptive. Jesus' suffering liberated us from having to experience the same, Jesus' role was also as one who prevented or ended the suffering of others. His resurrection enables us to say, "let yourself off the cross."

What are appropriate church responses to battered women?

1. Develop a proactive pastoral care response emphasizing action including referral to services for battered women and to the justice system.
2. Naming the violence must occur within the congregation by talking about violence from the pulpit, by providing support to victims, and by holding abusers accountable.
3. Should be responsible for working with other service providers by addressing the safety needs of the victim.
4. Need to release women from any perceived covenantal strictures since the abuser has broken the marriage covenant by his violence.
5. Need to work with the larger community to stop the violence.
6. Have library materials on woman battering, child abuse, and rape.
7. Form study groups focusing on woman-battering or other preventative educational opportunities.
8. Ensure that staff at church are trained and that pastoral care providers have attended relevant workshops on domestic violence.

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