(Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women, by the U.S. Bishops' Committees on Women in Church and Society, and on Marriage and Family Life)
(As found in Origins, Nov 5, 1992, Vol 22, No.210)
She told the psychotherapist that she was living in the dog house because her husband locked her out when he was in a rage.
He told the abuse counselor in group therapy that after the first couple of beatings, he didn't have to beat her up again. All he had to do was raise his fist.
Introduction
As pastors of the church in the United States, we join bishops in other countries, notably Canada and New Zealand, in stating as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, in the home or outside the home is never justified. Violence in any form -- physical, sexual, psychological or verbal -- is sinful; many times it is a crime as well.
Abuse is a topic that no one likes the think about. But because it exists in our parishes, dioceses and neighborhood, we present this statement as an initial step in what we hope will become a continuing effort in the church in the United States to combat domestic violence against women. This statement is our response to the repeated requests of many women and men around the United States to address the issue.
We write out of our desire to offer the church’s resources to both the women who are battered and the men who abuse. Both groups need Jesus’ strength and healing. We also write out of an awareness that times of economic distress such as the present, when wage earners lose their jobs or are threatened with this loss, often are marked by an increase in domestic violence.
Though we focus here on violence against women, we are not implying that violence against men or youth or violence again the elderly or the unborn is any less vicious. In fact, violence against any person is contrary to the Jesus’ Gospel message to "love one another as I have loved you." When violence toward women is tolerated, it helps to set the stage for violent acts against other groups as well.
Violence toward women in the home has particularly serious repercussions. When the woman is a mother and the violence takes places in front of her children, the stage is set for a cycle of violence that may be continued from generation to generation.
Domestic violence counselors teach that violence is learned behavior. In many cases men who become abusive and the women who are abused grew up in a home where violence occurred. In such a situation a child can grow up believing that violence is acceptable behavior; boys learn that this is a way to be powerful. Abuse counselors say that a child raised in a home with physical abuse is 1,000 times more likely to use violence in his own family. At the same time, 25 percent of men who grow up in an abusive home choose not to use violence.
We agree with the bishops of Quebec, Candid, in calling on the Christian community to "join forces with and complement the work of those associations and groups which are already involved in preventing and fighting this form of violence."1
We also agree with the Canadian church leaders who stated that when men abuse women, they "reflect a lack of understanding in our society about how men and women ought to relate to each other. They violate the basic Christian values of justice, equality, respect, dignity and peace; they go against the call to practical kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, mutual support and to love one another as ourselves.2
Those Addressed
Recognizing the seriousness of the problem, we are addressing this statement to several audiences:
Note: This is not meant to be an all-inclusive statement on violence against women. Because violence has many dimensions and ramifications, this statement is intended to be an introduction, along with some practical pastoral suggestions on what parishes can do now.
Dimensions of the Problem
"Evidence collected over the last 20 years indicates that physical and sexual violence against women is an enormous problem. The high prevalence of violence against women brings them into regular contact with physicians; at least one in five women seen in emergency departments has symptoms relating to abuse."3 Domestic violence is the most common form of violence in our society and the least-reported crime.
What is abuse? It is any kind of behavior that one person uses to control another through fear and intimidation. It includes emotional and psychological abuse, battering and sexual assault. Abuse is not limited to a single group. Cutting across racial and economic backgrounds, it occurs in families from every ethnic, economic, religious and educational background.4
Because violence usually occurs in the privacy of people’s homes, if often is shrouded in silence. People outside the family hesitate to interfere even when they suspect abuse is occurring. Traditionally the abuse of a wife by her husband has been considered "not only a family matter but virtually a husband’s prerogative."5 Even today some people—mistakenly—argue that intervention by outside sources endangers the concept of the sanctity of the home.
Yet "abuse, assault or murder are not less serious because they occur within the family….Violence, whether committed against family members or strangers, is antithetical to the Judeo-Christian messages of love and respect for the human person."6
As we have said, "a woman’s dignity is destroyed in a particularly vicious and heinous way when she is treated violently. It shocks us to learn that currently one woman in four will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime."7
Why Men Batter
Some psychiatric opinion holds that in a very small percentage of cases a psychophysical disorder may trigger violence behavior. However, in the majority of cases other reasons can explain men’s abusive behavior. Men who abuse women convince themselves that they have a right to do so. They may believe that violence is a way to dissipate tension and to solve problems—a view that society often supports. Battering and other forms of abuse occur in a society saturated with violence, where violence is glorified in books, movies and on television. Often violence is portrayed as an appropriate way for people to respond to threatening situations.
Abusive men tend to be extremely jealous, possessive and easily angered. For example, they may fly into a rage because their spouse called her mother too often or because she didn't take the car in for servicing. Many try to isolate their wives by limiting their contact with family and friends.
Often abusive men have low self-esteem and feel vulnerable and powerless. They are "more likely to have witnessed or experienced violence in childhood, to abuse alcohol, to be sexually assaultive to their wives and to be at risk for violence against children."8 Typically they deny that the abuse is happening or they insist that it happens rarely. Many try to pin the blame for their abusive behavior on someone or something other than themselves—their wives, the job, etc. Alcohol is an especially serious presence in many domestic violence incidents. Alcohol and drugs lessen inhibitions and can heighten anger, impair judgment, desensitize and increase the amount of force being used.
Many abusive men hold a view of women as inferior. Their conversation and language reveals their attitudes toward a woman’s place in society. Many believe that men are meant to dominate and control women.
Why Women Stay
No answer fully explains why women stay with their abusers. Psychiatrists report that abusive relationships usually start out like other relationships; initially they are loving and rewarding to both parties. Down the road, when the first violent act occurs, the woman is likely to be incredulous and willing to believe her spouse when he apologizes and promises that he will never repeat the abuse.
As time goes by and the abuse is repeated, many women come to believe they somehow are to blame for their husband’s or partner’s actions; that if they just acted differently, the abuse would not occur. In time, as the self-esteem plummets, they feel trapped in the abusive relationship, especially if they have children and no other means of support.
Many abused women are isolated and alone with their pain. Even if they would like to seek help, they do not know where to go. In addition, many women are deeply ashamed to admit what is happening. They many believe that they are responsible for the success or failure of the marriage. Accordingly, many women are ashamed to admit that the man they married and have children with, the one they love, is the one who is terrorizing them. "Violence at home typically leaves no place in which defenses can be let down."9
Finally, many battered wives are vulnerable economically. They may not believe that they can support themselves, much less their children. Accordingly, they do not see how they can escape. The result is that they become passive, anxious and depressed. Most are unable to visualize a different future for themselves.
Over time, abuse escalates, though it may not always involve ongoing physical violence. Often the threat of physical abuse is enough to terrorize women. For some victims, the final outcome of abuse is murder.
Toward a Church Response
A theme throughout Scripture, beginning with Genesis, is that women and men are created in God’s image. As Pope John Paul II has said, "Both man and woman are human beings to an equal degree."10 In the New Testament, Jesus consistently reached out to those on the fringes of society, those without power or authority, those with no one to speak on their behalf. He taught that all women and men are individuals worthy of respect and dignity.
Jesus unfailingly respected the human dignity of women. Pope John Paul II reminds us that "Christ’s way of acting, the Gospel of his words and deeds, is a consistent protest against whatever offends the dignity of women."11 Jesus went out of his way to help the most vulnerable women. Think of the woman with the hemorrhage (Mk. 5:25-34) or the woman caught in adultery (Jn. 8:1-11). By his actions toward women in need, Jesus set an example for us today. Like him, we are called to find ways to help those most vulnerable women in our midst. We also need to find ways to help the men who want to break out of the pattern of abuse.
As a church, one of the most worrying aspects of the abuse practiced against women is the use of biblical texts, taken out of context, to support abusive behavior. Counselors report that both abused women and their batterers use Scripture passages to justify their behavior.
Abused women say, "I can't leave this relationship. The Bible says it would be wrong." Abusive men say, "The Bible says my wife should be submissive to me." They take the biblical text and distort it to support their right to batter.
As bishops, we condemn the use of the Bible to condone abusive behavior. A correct reading of the Scriptures leads people to a relationship based on mutuality and love. Again, Pope John Paul II describes it accurately: "In the 'unity of the two,' man and woman are called from the beginning not only to exist 'side by side' or 'together,' but they are also called to exist mutually one for the other."12
Even where the Bible uses traditional language to support the social order common in the day, the image presented is never one that condones the use of abuse to control another person. In Ephesians 5:21-33, for instance, which discusses relationships within the family, the general principle laid down is one of mutual submission between husband and wife. The passage holds out the image to husbands that they are to love their wives as they love their own body, as Christ loves the church. Can you imagine Jesus battering his church?
What We Can Do to Help
Presented here are some practical suggestions to implement in your parish and diocese.
For abused women:
For men who abuse:
For pastors and pastoral staff:
Ultimately, abused women must make their own decisions about staying or leaving. It is important to be honest with women about the risks involved. Remember: Women are at a most dangerous point when they attempt to leave their abusers. Research indicates that "women who leave their batterers are at a 75 percent greater risk of being killed by the batterer than those who stay."13
For educators and catechists:
For liturgy committees:
For commissions on women and other women’s groups:
A Conclusion and a Prayer
This statement has addressed the problem of violence against women in their homes. Such violence has repercussions on all residing there, even to the extent of setting up a situation for repeating violence in successive generations. Accordingly, we encourage all parents and all educators and catechists to teach children from the earliest ages that abuse is not appropriate behavior. As pastors of the church, we are dedicated to encouraging all that nurtures and strengthens family life.
One of the sources of healing we have in our lives as Christians is prayer. The psalms in particular capture the depth and range of human anguish and hope and reassure us of God's help. Psalm 31 may be an especially apt prayer for women who are dealing with abusive situations. With all of you we pray:
Have pity on me, O Lord,
For I am in distress;
With sorrow my eye is consumed;
My soul also and my body--
I am like a dish that is broken...
But my trust is in you, O Lord;
I say, You are my God.
Social Affairs Committee of the Assembly of Quebec Bishops, "A Heritage of Violence: A Pastoral Reflection on Conjugal Violence" (Montreal: 1989).
Canadian church leaders, "Violence Against Women," testimony given by an ecumenical coalition to the Canadian Panel on violence Against Women, Origins 21: 47, April 30, 1002, 789-90.
Council on Scientific Affairs, American Medical Association, "Violence Against Women," Journal of the American Medical Association, June 17, 1992, 3184-3189.
Women's Commission, Catholic Diocese of Richmond, Va., "A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence (undated).
Commission on women in Church and Society, Catholic Diocese of Buffalo, N.Y. (undated).
Barbara Ann Stolz, "Violence in the Family" (Washington: U.S. Catholic Conference Committee on Social Development and World Peace, 1979).
U.S. bishops' ad hoc Committee for a Pastoral Response to Women's Concerns, "Called to Be One in Christ Jesus," third draft of the women's pastoral (1992), 46.
Journal of the American Medical Association.
Ibid.
Pope John Paul II, Mulieris Dignitatem,6, 7.
Ibid., 15.
Ibid., 7.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1990.